ways to annoy people in twilight
by 1-of-thos-twilight-pipol
Summary: ever wonder how you can annoy the twilight chatacters? well here are some ideas...
1. ways to annoy edward cullen

**I don't own twilight(sniff, sniff)**

Ways to annoy Edward Cullen

Replace all of his CDs with 'like a virgin' CDs

Dare bella to date mike newton

Tell bella to ignore him for a decade

Make alice beat him in every chess game they have

Lock him in a massive room filled with people singing 'like a virgin' in their heads

Put him in a room filled with female paedophiles

Invite him to an all you can eat buffet and give no excuse to not eat food.

Get mike newton to walk around impersonating him

Invite aro for a sleep over

Lock him in a room filled with his crazy fans

Make bella divorce with him as a joke

Get a load of pregnant women and tell him that he's the father of their babies

Tell jasper ate bella

Tell him the someone kidnapped bella

Hide bella and tell him she went cliff diving again

Duck tape him to the ceiling

Hit him with a tree all day

Tell him bella eloped with mike newton

Tell him bella ran away with rose and jasper

Get bella to tell him really bad vampire jokes

Dye his hair pink

Get alice to give him a make over

Lock him in a room with bella and Jacob

Tell him Jacob raped renesmee

Trap him in la push

Make him go to prom with Jessica Stanley

Deface his Volvo

Steal all of his cars

Destroy his piano

Lock bella's bedroom window so he can't go inside

Enjoy!

PS. I don't hate Edward, in fact I love him. I just wrote this for fun.


	2. ways to annoy edward cullen 2

**this is the continuation of the previous 'ways to annoy edward cullen'**

more ways to annoy Edward Cullen

get Bella to ask him random questions that he couldn't answer

make Bella ask him how if he was a virgin before he met Bella,record him saying it and play it back over and over again

make him paranoid about jessica stanley stalking him everywhere he goes

give him big boxes with nothing inside them for his birthday

give his cars to charity

forbid him to buy anymore cars

make charlie confiscate his drivings licence

make carlisle disown him on april fools day

make him think that he has a special date with bella never let bella come to it

dare him to eat a bucket full of worms so he can get his cars back

make him promise that he would never read somebody else's mind

tell charlie that edward's been with bella every night for the past 2 years

buy him a sex-ed book and shove it in his locker, making sure that every time he decides to open it it falls out, in clear view of the school

spread bella's blood all over his car air freshener and on the air conditioner

call him a pervert because he likes to watch bella sleep

tell him that bella is pregnant and mike newton is the father

buy him a dog and call it jacob

call him an really old pervert

give him really annoying nicknames like 'eddy'

volunteer him for a blood drive

go to the cinema with him while driving really really slowly

give him a massive list why werewolves are cooler than he is

make bella wear a team jacob shirt

tell him to get a tan

tell him that he has eye bags so therefore needs sleep

run over his volvo with bella's chevy and blame her

tell him felix eloped with bella when she said she was 'buying a present for renesmee'

ask him why he glitters and ignore his answer and ask him again

put glitter all over yourself and say 'look at me! i'm edward! and i'm better than the real one!'

make a fake bella diary with 'i love jacob' written on all the pages

smear blood all over bella while she's asleep and blame the ghost of victoria was trying to kill her

poke him with a big steel rod that it actually hurts him


	3. ways to annoy jacob black

Ways to annoy jacob black

Treat him like a real dog

Yell "Here Jacob!! Come on, boy!" whenever you need him

Tell him he needs a shampoo for fleas

Buy him a vampire costume for Halloween

Give him doggy treats for lunch

Sing ' who let the dogs out' every time you see him

Tell him his motorcycle and cat looks gay

Give him a chew toy for Christmas

Ask him bella and edward's wedding date

Ask him if he has rabies

If he growls at you, tell him that's one of the symptoms of rabies

Accidentally call him kitty

Make bella invite him to a movie about vampires without him knowing

Ask him if he wants to sparkle like Edward frequently

Steal all his sweatpants

Make paul marry Rebecca so that he would annoy him to death

Make paul join his pack

Tell him that leah imprinted on him

Call him a pervert for imprinting on renesmee

Tell him that he looks better pale, like vampires

Ask him why his hair is so gay

Pour glitter on him while he's sleeping and tell him 'why are you impersonating Edward?'

Tell him that he's a giant freak

Tell him that he has a fever for having such a high temperature

Tell him he needs to go to a vet

Ask him if he could sign a picture of himself but give him edward's and run away

Tell him that he's not as strong as Edward

Make bella ignore him for a whole year

Put fake fur all over his room and tell him he has some sort of werewolf disease

Tell him renesmee doesn't love him

Invite loads of vampires in his house

Call him 'almighty alpha' every time you see him

Ask him why he's so tall and walk away

Give him a special collar with his name on it

Tell him he's showing off his man boobs when he isn't wearing a top

Tell him that renesmee ran off with seth

Tell him Jessica Stanley thinks he's hot and she's stalking him

Take the mickey out of his name

Tell him really bad dog jokes

Call him 'dog' in every language that you know and ask him if he appreciates it

If he doesn't, cry and tell him that he's mean and Edward is better than him

Make love poems and send them to Edward signed by Jacob

Tell him that leah's pregnant and he's the father

Tell him you won't give anymore treats when he swears again

Tell him that Edward's practically his dead so he needs to respect him

Make Rosalie make friends with him

Trap him in a room filled with vampires

Ask him if he has a tail when he is human

Hide renesmee and tell him you don't know where she is

If he gets angry at you, tell him that alice took her shopping

If he comes back angry, quickly get renesmee and tell him she was there all along

Tell him paul wants to elope with him

Poke him with a liquid nitrogen coated stick

Make up a werewolf myth and tell him it's true

Tell him he smells and walk away

Tell him 'long hair doesn't suit you, tsk, tsk'

Call him ' a tall, muscular, flagpole'

Tell him he's responsible for every accident bella has ever had

Pluck out his eyebrows one by one

Say renesmee's dead

If he finds out, tell him it was renesmee's idea

If he doesn't believe you tell him its april fool's day

When he argues that it's not april fool's day, show a calendar that you made earlier to prove that it's april fools day to you everyday

Tell him that alice could see his future and it's not looking well


	4. ways to annoy bella swan

Ways to annoy bella swan

Get Edward to dump her

Blame her and her bad luck for every disaster in the world

Cut off all her hair

Pretend you didn't know and mention that Edward doesn't like bald women

Dye her hair strawberry blonde

Then call her ginger

Then accuse her for impersonating Tanya

Get Edward to tell her that he's running away with Jacob

Get Emmett to point and laugh at her

Get Charlie to go out with Rosalie

Get Charlie to call Edward 'edmund' all the time

Get Edward to call her Isabella everytime they see each other

Tell her that jane is stalking her

If she doesn't believe you, dress like jane and hide inside her closet until she believes you

If that doesn't work, get the real jane and hypnotise her so she tells bella that she is stalking her

Break her window so it wouldn't open then Edward can't come in

Get Emmett to keep on poking her

Make Rosalie to glare at her

Make her believe that Edward can read her mind

And tell her that Edward heard her when she was thinking of mike

Tell her Emmett heard her and Edward making out

Then make Emmett talk about every time when Charlie comes round the cullens

Make Charlie look at her weirdly after over hearing about the jokes of Emmett about bella's sex life

Tell her Edward has an affair with Jessica Stanley

Tell her angela weber is actually a witch and she came to forks because she's bella's long lost ancestor

If she doesn't believe you, make up a family tree signed by angela

Tell her Tanya is going to murder her because she stole Edward from her

Tell her Edward prefers Tanya but he's just hanging out with her because he really wants to eat her

Steal all of her clothes and replace them with lacy and silky lingerie

Lock charlotte and her in a room after charlotte's had sprite and chocolate buttons

Change her number plate to 'K1UTZ4EV3R'

Make the garbage men accidentally bin her truck

Tell her that her trig teacher fancies her

If she doesn't believe you, get Edward to tell her it's true, as he can read everyone's minds

Give her loads of presents on her birthday

Make her find out that Edward is having an affair with Emmett

Ask her about the sex talk she had with Charlie

Give her a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and a bullet proof vest for her birthday

tell her felix wants to have babies with her

tell her leah imprinted on her

ask her why she's such a klutz and walkaway

make her join a walking and runnning training

tell her that aro fancies her


	5. ways to annoy alice cullen

Ways to annoy alice cullen

Graffiti her Porsche so it looks so bad

Then take it for a spin and let a police confiscate it

Fill a room with loads of werewolves so she can't see the future

Don't ever go shopping with her when she asks if anyone wants to come with her to do some shopping

Tell her that the bella's wedding was really crap and they should sue the wedding planner

Tell her Rosalie and Emmett were planning to have another wedding but wouldn't let her help because bella's wedding was crap

Mistake her for a five year old and say 'run along little one, go play in your sand box'

Ask her about the future every minute

Tell her that she's a bad fortune teller

Burn all the clothes that she bought for the cullens and say 'they are so disgusting, the person who bought them must have been drunk'

Ask her to go shopping with you, but don't seem to find what you're looking

Then tell her you hate shopping

When she gets annoyed or mad, throw a fit

Then tell everyone that she's harassing you by making you go with her

When she tells you that you asked her, shout ' now she's twisting my words and blaming me!!! waaahhhh!!!'

If she suggests something, tell her it's not your type

Give all her clothes to charity

Then forbid her from buying any clothes

Make Jacob follow every where she goes so she can't see the future

Tell her that Edward and bella are going to get married and las vegas

Get all of her money and credit cards

Then hold it up above your head and say ' reach for it shortie'

Walk around wearing the most appalling clothes you could ever find

When she asks you what you're doing, tell her that it's the newest fashion

When she tells you it's not, tell her that 'you're not very good on predicting the future'

If she has a vision, take a picture of her, eyes wide, open mouthed

Tell her that she's as tall as oompa loompas

Then tell her you hate oompa loompa's

Ask her if she's related to them

If she says no, say ' you shouldn't be ashamed of your family alice. Tsk, tsk.'

Call her a midget all the time

Ask her about your future then change your mind loads of times

Tell her jasper is cheating on her

Tell jasper wants to go back to maria because she's too short for her

Give her tarot card for her birthday

Then tell her that they are better than her predictions

Laugh and point at her and say 'midget, leprechaun, gypsy, vampire!'

Take her to a roller coaster that she's too short for

Say you're sorry then go on the ride, leaving her

After the ride, tell her you had the time of your life and she should have been there

Tell aro that alice wanted to join the volturi after all

When aro comes to get her, give her willingly and say 'she's too short for a our family, she's yours'

Let aro consider this and say 'yeah she is too short for the volturi too. I take it back, I won't have her unless she grows'

Ask her your future but don't make decision so she can't see it

Kiss jasper right in front of her

Dress renesmee in a bin bag

Decide that you're gonna kill someone and ask her about your future


	6. ways to annoy jasper hale

Ways to annoy jasper hale

Sign him up to be a volunteer in a blood drive

Make posters that bella is better at him at self control

Rub it to his face(metaphorically and literally)

Put blood all over his room

Film his reaction and put it on you tube

Ask he why he looks kind of constipated

Have really vivid feelings when around him

Lock him in a room where rosalie and emmett are having sex

Lock him in an emergency room

Or a maternity ward

Beg him not to eat you every minute

Go up to him randomly and say ' are you hungry?'

Ask him 'why do you look so depressed all the time?' then walkaway

Mistake him for rosalie's husband

Every time he tells you to do something answer back with 'sir, yes sir!'

Salute him all the time

Dress in military clothes and ask him if he could give you training

If he doesn't, tell him you want to be just like him when you get older

Ask him why he was maria's favourite

Call him a cowboy

Ask him if he is a cowboy

If he days he's not say ' well you lived in Texas so you must have been'

Make him babysit renesmee's human friends when she goes to kindergarten

Don't tell jasper that you're doing blood typing in biology

Let him go and pretend you didn't know too

If he suspects you and get angry, threaten him with a pointy stake

When he tells you it doesn't work on him shout 'sorry, I forgot these don't work on vammpires'

Then tell him not to eat you really loud

When he calls you by your first name say 'sir, where is yor politeness, I prefer to be called miss or ma'am

Give him a military style hair cut

With a matching out fit

If alice complains, tell her it was all jasper's idea because he missed the army

Ask him where babies come from

Stare at him until he tells you the answer

When he doesn't, tell esme that jasper's being mean to you

Take cooking lessons and tell him you're gonna cook a special dish for him

Give him the food ask him to try it if it's good

If he doesn't eat it, have a fit and tell him that you've worked so hard to make it

If he does eat it, make him describe the flavour in full detail

Then tell him you didn't really cook it and walk away

Smack him with a steel chair

Then yell at him for no reason

If he asks you why you did that, tell him that a spirit possessed you

If he doesn't believe you argue that he wasn't hurt and say 'I wont do it again'

Then smack him with a steel table then run for your life

Poke him in the eye and ask him if it hurts

If he tells you it doesn't say 'stop being brave, you know it hurt!'

If he still denies it call him a big skinny liar

Ask him if he prefers hale or cullen and make him explain

After he's explained it, tell him 'that was really boring dude'


	7. ways to annoy rosalie hale

Ways to annoy rosalie hale

Cut her hair off

Offer her a wig but give her a really bad one

Then laugh at her and call her baldy

Let her look in a mirror

Smash it and blame her ugliness for it

Call her ugly

Suggest that she needs a makeover so it wont happen again

Get the cullens to have a vote on who is the most beautiful of them all and get them to not give her any votes

Make bella win the vote even though she's human

Make posters that bella is more beautiful than rosalie and put it everywhere

Put some in her room

Tell her really bad blonde jokes

Get jacob to hang around every time in the cullen house

Then let jacob be really possessive of renesmee

Give her no chance in bonding with renesmee

If she complains, get jacob to tell her that it's essential to be with the person imprinted to be with imprinter all the time

If she doesn't buy it, give her a massive book of quileute tribe myths and legends stuff that you faked and throw it to her

If sh erips it apart, tell her that she's breaking the treaty

Accidentally scratch her M3

Ask her why she's a hale when she's married to Emmett which is a cullen

Blame her for nearly getting edward killed

Make bella not forgive her and keep mentioning that it was her fault

Get everyone ignore her for this

Pay people in school to say 'what is she wearing? Disgusting' whenever she pass by

Tell her she needs anger management

If she gives you the evils tell her 'see, that's what I'm talking about'

Apply her for a job in a garage

If she doesn't want to do it, tell her that she needs to be independent and not rely on carlisle's work

If she still won't, make esme tell her that if she doesn't get a job, they'll kick her out

Send aro a letter that rosalie wants to be his wife

Call her vain all the time

Dare her to wear a t-shirt which says 'I'm vain'

Say ' ewwww… what's that stuff on your face! Eurgh!'

Steal of her clothes and replace them with bin liners

Then tell her that they need to save money so she cant buy any clothes

Make her use them in school

Dress her up as a clown

Tell esme that she wants to join the circus

Make esme give her to the circus and make her say 'you should have told me that you wanted to be in the circus rosalie, that must have been why you are so grumpy all the time'

Take a picture of her reaction

Make alice tell rosalie her future then tell her that she'll end up with mike newton

Tell her that emmett is cheating on her

Tell her that it's bella he's having an affair with

Ask her ' if you and jasper are twins, why is the other one better looking than the other. You look like a peasant beside jasper you know'

If she tries to kill you tell her ' whoa!!!!.... you're even uglier when you're angry!'

Tell her emmett is gay

And he's running away with mike newton

Tell her that alice had a vision that emmett was going to leave her

Make her believe so she'll be extra nice to emmett

Tell her that emmett is leaving her because she's not nice enough to him but she's not nice enough to jacob

So she'd be forced to be nice to jacob and be his slave


	8. ways to annoy emmett cullen

**Sorry for not updating anything for a while. i've been kind of busy with courseworks and my internet's being really crap. but here you go:)**

Ways to annoy Emmett Cullen

Ask him if he's on steroids

Beat him in an arm wrestling tournament

If he wants rematch, don't play him

Tell him he's too weak for you and you'll just kick his butt again

Tell him that Rosalie is going to have another wedding

Tell him that the theme is dress up and he needs to dress up as a dog for the wedding

Tell him that he was beaten by a human klutz now vampire in an arm wrestling

Dare him to not laugh at anything for a week

If he laughs tell Rosalie to break up with him

If he doesn't say 'good job Emmett, now you can do it for a whole month

Kill all the grizzlies so he can't eat his favourite animal

Tell him that Rosalie works part time in a strip club

Invite him to the club while Rosalie is there seducing all the men

Paint his truck pink

Say 'emmett, I didn't know you liked pink'

Then say ' are you gay?'

If he gets angry at you say 'maybe you should get a manlier car or at least change the colour. I mean it's pink!'

If he tries to kill you tell him that you know who did it but take very long to say who it is

Then blame Rosalie as he don't want to hurt her

Tell him he needs a tan to enhance the look of his muscles

Make a fake article that proves what you said is true

Tell him Jacob is more muscular than he is

Stalk him and keep saying 'you know, you look so much like kellan lutz

Then say ' are you his brother?' every time he ignores you

Make a fake telephone bill saying someone has been calling the volturi and blame him for it

Ask him why he did it and accuse him that he's going out with caius

If he denies it and get angry ask him why then say 'being angry just proves I'm right…'

Tell him that Rosalie never loved him and she just saved him because she wanted a servant

If he confronts Rosalie make her lie along with you

When he gets all upset, tell everyone in school to hug him every time they see him

Then make him think that every boy that's hug him are gay and they lurrvvv him

Make those boys be extra nice to him and make really paranoid about them

When he goes all nuts, tell him that he was on a reality tv show called 'how to make Emmett go nuts'

When he starts killing everyone, tell him that it was all Rosalie's idea and he cant do anything about it if he still wants to stay with her

Ask him about his secret girlfriend in front of rosalie

If he says that he doesnt know what you're talking about, show him a fake video of him with a girl

then show it to rosalie and make her nag at emmett


	9. ways to annoy carlisle cullen

Ways to annoy Carlisle Cullen

Tell him that Edward, jasper and Emmett went and killed a human when he was at work

When he gets so upset tell him that they didn't really and laugh like it was all a joke

If he asks you why you said that tell him you must have mixed up reality with a dream

If he doesn't believe you, tell him that you have brain problems and act like a mental person every time he sees you but act normally with others

Ask him why he bit Edward every single time he and Edward are in the same room

When he tells you his story, ask him ' did you bite him because you're gay?' with a very understanding look on your face

When he says no and says that he wanted Edward's mum's wish to be made true, ask him 'did you have an affair with her?'

When he says no again, tell him 'you're a very troubled man aren't you? Do you want to step in my office and talk?' with a very calm tone while talking really slow and clearly

Force him to come with you and tell him that you could help him with his problems every time you see him

Give him a calling card with your number on it with the words 'I can help you!' on it

Ask him if he sneaks into the blood bank and drink some blood during his free time at work

Ask him if he had an affair with either Marcus, Caius or Aro when he stayed in Italy

Act really religious around him

Call him a priest every time you see him

If he asks why tell him 'because your dad's a priest so you're a priest

Get him a cross or a bible for his birthday

Get Emmett to give him at-shirt saying 'best priest dad EVER!'

When he looks like he doesn't like it, tell him 'I worked so hard to makes them', cry, then run away

When he apologises to you tell him you would forgive him in one condition – make him admit that he is actually a priest

Dye all of his clothes pink and blame it on Alice

Accuse him for having secret drugs

Then steal them

Call him Carlisle but pronounce the 's'

Ask him what super power he has and say 'oh yeah, you don't have one!' then run off

Call him 'ancient Carlisle' and still pronouncing the 's'

Pretend to have Spanish flu and ask him to bite you

If he doesn't blame him for your death

Give his office a makeover and get all burn all of his books

Ask him if Dracula's real and if he's met him

If he says no, go hysterical and say 'you just ruined my dream! I wanted to meet him!'

Ask him why he stayed with the Volturi although he didn't have any special powers

Then say 'I know! You so wanted to go skinny dipping with Aro and Caius!'

Ask him if he has a tattoo

Then make him have one of Aro's face all over his back

Tell him that Alice wanted to cut his hair but persuade her to give him an afro instead

Go up to him and say 'I know your family's secret.' In a really sinisterly way

When he demands to know what you know, do an evil laugh and say 'I'm going to tell everyone. Mwahahaha'

When he nearly kills you say 'okay, okay. I'll tell you. Your family secret is that you mix shampoo and glue together that's why you're hairs doesn't get messed up. I tried it once but it didn't work. Mwhahaha. Now I can tell everyone!'

Then say 'How do you do it?'


	10. ways to annoy esme cullen

Ways to annoy Esme Cullen

Make Renesmee bend all of her silver cutlery

Make Edward runaway and make him blame Esme for it

Ask her how she survived jumping off a cliff and bug her for it for a month

When she finally tells you why say 'well that wasn't very amusing!'

Tell her that Renesmee prefers Renee than her

Tell her that Bella never liked any of her present

When she gets really sad, tell her that being sad and depressed just makes the menopausal stage sooner

Then tell her 'sorry Esme, you're not menopausal yet are you?'

Read an article about control freaks in front of Esme

Then tell her that being a control freak means that a person has a mental disorder, hinting that she is one

Ask her why she treats Edward, Alice, jasper, Emmett and Rosalie like they were her real children constantly

Then say 'oh I know! You're being possessed by a really old woman who is obsessed with children! I get it now!' then walk away

Dare her to not tidy anything in the Cullen house for a year

After that year, make her clean the whole place all by herself without using any vampire speediness

After she finally finished cleaning the whole house, mess up the place again and do an evil laugh

Sign her up for a domestic helper job but don't tell her about it

Then one Monday morning, tell her that she has somewhere to go to but don't tell her where

When it's nearly the end of the day, and she's really desperate to know what she was supposed to do earlier, tell her about her new job

Then call her the employer in front of her and say 'I don't mind if you fire her Mr., I don't think she's very reliable anyway'

Take a photo of Esme's confused face and post it everywhere saying 'this is what Esme looks like after she lost her job.'

Tell her how all the nurses in the hospital really think about Carlisle

Ask her what kind of special vampire she has

When she tells you that it's 'love', tell her that anyone could do that then say 'What kind of power is that?' then walk away

Then start talking about how pathetic her power is

Ask her if she hates her previous husband

If she says yes, tell her that he's going to pay for it

Come up to her with a skeleton and ask her 'what should I do with him? I know! I'll burn him!'

Before she stops you, burn the skeleton and do a really evil laugh

Then ask her 'are you happy now?'

When she looks like she isn't, tell her 'don't worry it wasn't really you're husband. I couldn't find him so I dug up his son instead :D'

When she gets even sadder say 'what's the matter? Is it not his son? Damn! I should have dug up the one next to it or the one opposite it! Wait here I'll get it!'

When she stops you say 'why? I thought you hated him. Make up your mind woman!' then walk away looking annoyed

Make all the Cullen kids fight then make them leave the house

Ask her if she wants to adopt a werewolf too

Have an argument with her so you can say 'go and jump off a cliff!'

Replace all of her clothes with clothes that mothers mostly wear e.g. aprons, really weird dresses

Then make her wear them

Make Alice say 'gosh Esme! You have really bad fashion sense. You're worse than Bella!'

Don't give her anything on mothers' day

The next day, tell her 'oh sorry Esme, I forgot to give you a present yesterday' but still give her nothing then say 'it's not mothers' day anymore'

**Reviews please! I'm getting really discouraged of doing more cos I have loads of coursework to do. So I need reviews people!**


	11. Ways to annoy Charlie Swan

Hey pips!sorry i haven't updated this for quite a while but here you go:)

Ways to annoy Charlie Swan

Tell him that Edward's been sleeping in Bella's room for at least 2 years.

Then tell him that Edward's been spying on Bella while she's sleeping before they had a relationship

When Charlie's about to explode, invite Edward in

Then make him stay close to Bella all the time

Then invite Emmett in and let him tell Charlie sex related jokes

Tell him that he's not a very good cop

If he asks why, tell him 'if you're a good cop, you should have known Edward's been in Bella's room every night for 2 years'

When he starts to walk towards his gun, beat him to it and hide it

When he gets really annoyed tell him that you'd tell him where it is if he allows Bella to have her motorbike back

When he agrees tell him that Jacob gave Bella her motorbike back a long time ago

When Charlie goes off to nag at Jacob, tell him that Billy had a heart attack

When he arrives at the black's and sees Billy okay and well, tell him that it was all just a dream

Ask him why Reneé left him

Then tell him 'is it because you're gay?'

Then make him admit he's gay

Record him saying it and make it everyone's ring tone

Then phone all of the people who has the ring tone at the same time while Charlie's around

Do it really frequently

Put posters up saying 'harry Clearwater's fresh fishes STOLEN!'

Then ask him if he stole them

Put the fishes in his fridge and make the police search his house

When the police finds the fishes, make them arrest him

Then say 'what kind of chief of police are you?'

Make tsk tsk noises

Ask him how he felt when he gave Bella a sex talk

Then when he doesn't answer, tell everyone that he gave Bella a sex talk

When he tries and stops you, ask him again and keep on asking him until he answers you

When he does, don't believe him and accuse him that he liked the sex talk

When he gets really annoyed, tell him that you were possessed

When he doesn't believe you, which probably happen, tell him that Billy dared you to do it


	12. ways to annoy aro

i know i havent updated anything for a while for this fanfic cos i kind of ran out of ideas. but then i had this really weird dream about aro and i that got me going:) Hope you guys like this one! DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT(BUT IT THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ALREADY)

Ways to annoy Aro

Dye all of his cloaks pink

Then print 'I'm a Barbie girl on them'

When he starts killing everyone, tell him that it was all Caius' fault

When he starts fighting Caius, and realises that it wasn't him, tell him that it's your special power(designing clothes)

Then ask him if you could join the Volturi

If he doesn't seem convinced, tell him that you're a great designer and black is so not in this year

If he looks offended, tell him that you don't mean it in a bad way and tell him that he could help you design new outfits

When he finally agrees, totally change their cloaks to cheerleader outfits with little pompoms

Ask him why his eyes are pink every second

Then say: 'oh I get it! You wear pink contacts cos you like pink!'

When he goes mad and tries to rip you apart, say: 'oh no! That's okay! Don't be ashamed'

When he looks like he's going to explode because of anger say: 'oh...don't worry.... I'll wear pink contacts too if you want' then walk away

While walking away say: 'tsk,tsk...the dude has problems'

Go round Volterra impersonating him, with glitter all over your body and a very dodgy black wig

Let him catch you then say: 'hey bro! How's it hanging?'

When he looks kind of confused or angry... say: 'that hurts man! That really hurts! You don't even recognise your OWN brother!'

When he tries to comfort you, ignore him while pouting

Hit him with a tree to just to test if his skin is not as hard as granite

He'll obviously look confuse...so... take a picture of it add a caption saying : 'Aro looking confused in more than one way'

Then keep whacking him with the tree for the fun of it

Dye his hair white and say: 'hey Aro! I thought you can't age!'

Walk away and say: 'the dude's got SERIOUS problems!'

Collect all the evidence and hide them under Caius' bed

Hold his hand all day and think of disturbing thoughts

Then think of you and him making out

To ensure he doesn't let go or....err... kill you, get jasper to mess with his emotions and make him think that he loves you(sort of)

Send him a letter or something that says you're going to reveal his secret

Then go to Italy with glitter all over you while wearing fake fangs

When he gets you sent to his 'lair' and almost gets you killed, scream like a fan girl while saying I love you Aro!!!! You're so awesome!! Then kneel down and start praising him

When he looks at you funny, get your Aro diary and record his confused face and his other movements

Then say them out loud with your eyes filled with admiration

Then ask him silly questions like:

What's your favourite colour?

Do you wear briefs or boxers?

Who's your favourite bro?

Have you ever considered having a tan?

Can you sparkle too?

Get Edward to send him letters saying: 'HAHA! YOU DIDNT FIGHT US!!!! YOU COWARDS!!! AHAHA!'

Make a survey whether or not people think he's deranged and alter them so that it says that he is crazy

Then send it to him with a letter from a mental hospital saying that he needs special treatment(don't forget to send it anonymously so he can't find you)

When he starts looking for the person who made the survey, send him a note that it was Mike Newton (to anyone who likes Mike, sorry)


End file.
